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 Shock. Denial. Amazement. Those three words do not even begin to describe the feelings that coursed through my veins when I returned from business on Monday afternoon. I have been away from the FWF for two months, and the organization that I return to bears absolutely no resemblance to the organization I left. I was present in Montreal for the Bret Hart screw job. I was present for the metamorphosis of Hulk Hogan into Hollywood Hogan, N.W.O. leader. I was also present for the transformation of Steve Austin into "Stone Cold," a day which will live in infamy. It does not irk me that I was not present for the LWA's takeover of the FWF on Sunday afternoon because of its historical gravity. It makes me downright disgusted because I was not there to smash in the skulls of those foul-mouthed, foul-smelling rednecks when they decided to make this hostile takeover. I left the FWF because I wanted so desperately to form an army to rid us of the D.W.O. and the LWA. Yes, I have returned with an army. I have returned with Donovan Enterprises, Limited's own "Men of Distinctinction," an elite group of potential superstars who have been scouted by the DEL and have been found to be near the top of the list of wrestlers who will lead this industry far into the 21st century. I can already certify that Sergio Estavia and Criminally Insane are both Men of Distinction. As well, given the meetings I had opportunity to have while I was away, I can say that there are wrestlers currently contracted to the FWF who will join the organization. I cannot specify the names of these individuals at this time due to legal constraints, but at Wrong Way June, many of these individuals will be known to the wrestling world. In regard to Wrong Way June, I can certify that I have just faxed back a signed contract to the offices of the Federated Wrestling Foundation for a one-fall, sixty-minute time limit, Last Man Standing match between myself and the Essential Element. The story between the Element and myself runs deep. He seems to believe that I have the answer to his concerns. No, Nicholas! I do not have the answer. Maybe you should ask the steering wheel, the ignition, or even better the gas pedal of that car you decided to "liberate." Maybe they'll have the answers for you. I had nothing to do with you being stripped of the Videotape title. Check the FWF rulebook the next time you end up in prison you moron. At Wrong Way June, I get to mimic many of the wrestling heroes of my youth, who fought for what they believed in. Element, at Wrong Way, you're going to see Ric Flair, Terry Funk, Magnum TA, Jack and Jerry Brisco, Ricky Steamboat, Randy Savage, the Missing Link, the Conquistadors, the Brooklyn Brawler, every bit of wrestling history that is in my blood is going to be poured into that match up. If I win, it is a victory for tradition, for excellence, for doing things the right way. For the Allen Center, for Pierre Toussaint as that lovable loser "Hit the Man Man," for the Mahal-Hazey Regime, for the Cocaine Cowboys, the tradition of the FWF. I may be new to this organization, but I am not new to protecting justice and traditional values in the sport of professional wrestling. If I lose, I lose knowing that I gave my heart, my soul, my blood, my tears, my very essence for this sport that is so beloved to all of us. I know that whatever happens, neither Nicholas nor myself will be the same ever again. Onward….a few reflections on some talent. I'd feel remiss if I did not address the rapidly declining career of the Southside Crippler. For months now, the Crippler has been much more effective with his vocal, rather than athletic skills. Proclaiming his technical excellence for the world to hear has not advanced the Crippler very far, and furthermore has earned him some very formidable enemies amongst the boys in the back. Now, Crippler has taken his career to new depths with his callous act of abducting Madman Myers' silent partner in crime, Mr. Mikey. The stuffed pet, which reputedly has communicative powers only known to Madman Myers was stolen, then burned by Southside Crippler for apparently no reason whatsoever. Obviously, the Southside Crippler is a deranged, desperate individual searching for any vestige of his former success. As for Madman Myers, he is at a crossroads. Recently awarded the Unified Title, he is obviously nearing the pinnacle of his storied backyard career. But, where will he turn without the aid of Mr. Mikey? Will the loss of this stuffed animal cause him to lose his focus, and furthermore his drive for greater success? I hope not. He needs to find the competitive fire within himself in order to achieve greater glory in the FWF. He is a very talented man who is on the brink of stardom. He cannot let the actions of the village idiot, the Southside Crippler, block his mental vision of his path to greater achievements. Continuing on, I think it's time that we advertise the careers of Tank Dog and Blu Haze on the back of milk cartons, as it seems as though they have been lost forever. Why did Blu Haze join the DWO, then the LWA? Did he really need to be a subordinate to those cannabis-enhanced degenerates? Does he need to load himself down with Armed and Dangerous and the Legends Without Aerosol Deodorant? I thought he was much stronger than that. Haze is a former backyard champion who is out of shape, out of mind, and clearly out of place in the FWF. When focused, is it possible to name any man who can control this athlete? No. But floundering as he is right now, Haze is only a danger to himself. Tank Dog, on the other hand, is a completely different story. He has come back in 2001 as a changed man. The former Hardcore Icon is focused and lethal. He has added to his repertoire, and has become a complete athlete. Now, he just needs to apply his renewed focus toward a title. It seems as though the Videotape title has caught his attention. However, given that I am in possession of the strap currently, and that Mojo Rising is the number one contender, Tank Dog is merely a guy swinging "Nick's Chair," feasting on the lower levels of the FWF roster, and going nowhere fast. Perhaps he should turn his attention to Mojo Rising and the Essential Element. A three-way dance for the Videotape title at 2001 Degrees in July sounds mighty enticing. In final, regarding the roster, a few notes in epilogue regarding the D.W.O. Many come and go in wrestling before their time for various reasons. My good friend Shane Douglas, Magnum TA, Brian Pillman (RIP), and numerous others were not as successful as they could have been because time was unkind to them. Lil' Honda 500 and D-Down are both talented individuals. In a few months, and or years, they could have been at the cutting edge of the wrestling business. However, one must go through a gradual process of learning and waiting in order to succeed. This observer can safely say that both D and Honda were unwilling to wait for their moment in the sun, and instead decided to take fate into their own hands. An unwise decision for sure, but now it leaves them on the outside, looking in on the wrestling industry. Yes, Blu Haze outsmarted these two individuals, but in the end they outsmarted themselves. In final, I must discuss the burgeoning situation between Pierre Toussaint and Midknight. In recent months, their rivalry has approached epic standards in violence and vengeance. At Wrong Way June, these two will sign a contract for a first blood match for the Backyard Title at 2001 Degrees in July. Anticipation leading into this match has been great. Backstage scuttlebutt surrounding this match has been great. In final, a few rumors and ramblings from the wrestling world… -Wrestling insiders say that scouts from New Japan Pro Wrestling, the Ultimate Fighting Council, and Mexican giant AAA will be present at both Wrong Way June, and the 2001 Degrees event in July, supposedly with their eyes fixated on the dark rebel. Will Midknight's possible run as world champion be short lived, or, is the lure of the fastest growing wrestling organization in North America reason enough for him to stay? -Numerous insiders have seen Pierre Toussaint's flight itinerary for the past three weeks, and have noticed that there have been sightings of the "Hitman" in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Could Toussaint be getting some "home cooking" in the form of training from Stu Hart to prepare for his most difficult challenge? -What made Haze and Armed and Dangerous join the LWA? Word has it that a mysterious duffel bag transaction took place backstage, and the contents of said bag were said to be utterly shocking. Could the LWA have saved 100 years of wrapped pennies from granny's dresser drawer and sealed the deal, or is it something much more sinister? -In final, rumors are circulating regarding additions to be made very soon to the FWF roster. Given my position in the company, I can confirm this. However, I must also add that the new, focused artist formerly known as Calbrith, a.k.a. Dead Sexay, has improved far beyond anyone's wildest expectations. If anyone were to join the roster, they should look to this man's dedication. Folks, that's it. And remember, if you see FWF news anywhere else, it's a damned lie, because I'm Mr. Marcus Donovan, and you're not! -Mr. Marcus Donovan  get wrestling training at the monster factory! 
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